There is one person

There are many people in which I owe a thousand thanks too - yet there is one person, who is going to remain nameless for various reason, one person who I always feel I have never thanked enough. They have no idea how much they saved me from a dark place, pulled me through and got me smiling - more than once.
As I write this, rereading each sentences - many memories flood my mind, dancing round the edges, jumping in the middle some more prominent than others.
So many words I long to say, yet I am restrained by the rule book. Metaphorically speaking I am bound by ties, and the sheer un-want of others finding out. Its like a game of Chinese whispers, once one person finds out they have to tell the next and then the next and the next - welcome to my mind, this is the way in which I think!
To this one particular person - who may or may not read this, I am not sure - thank you. For all the things, everything really. I couldn't specifically say anything because there have been so many things, so many times I have cried on your shoulder, sobbed in your arms, talked things through, stropped, stressed, strained, shouted, whisper, stamp, made sense of things, asked for advice - see the list go on.
I dont think you will ever be aware of how thankful I am, I am a lucky girl to have such amazing people included in my life and without them day to day life would be a struggle - but knowing that at the end of the day - someone is always going to be there, asking if I am okay, checking to make sure I have not fallen off the wagon - returned to the shadow of my past. Someone who is always going to be disappointed if i do. Makes me rethink my actions - seeing your picture sat in a cute tatty teddy frame which stands on my window sill  - or the one pinned to my canvas of the three of us. Knowing that in a way you are watching my every move, every action, and every consequence. Knowing that if the action was made it would not only disappoint.
That Friday, if you are reading this, I think you'll know which Friday I mean, the one where I sat by the piano it was the end of the day, I was tired. The hurt in your eyes, made me realise that things had to change!
I don't like hurting people - seeing them upset, it makes me worry more than I already do and trust me I worry so much about each and every single person who has ever effected my life in more ways that one. Even if it does seem strange and peculiar. That is just me.
So if you are reading this. Please know that I do adore you, and I am thankful even if at times it seems like I am just a grumpy moody little bumbag!! I could not have asked for a nicer, kinder person to walk into my life at the time when I needed it most- Thank you 
<3