Such A Good Day - Such A Sh*t Night

My absolutely amazing day has been pissed all over by my terrible evening!

Guilt

Such a horrible feeling
guilt -
A feeling thats indescribable.
Horrible, knowing that you are feeling guilty.
But knowing your not the only one.
Someone else out there feels guilty for one reason or another -
lots more people feeling guilty for bigger things.
Only a small thing in which causes my guilt, but I know
that if people knew that little thing, they would be mortified.

Words

I write poetry and then quickly erase it - most of the time its non-sense about bumble bees taken picnics with lions however sometime it has meaning - like everything in life has a meaning. 

A meaning often hidden with metaphors and pathetic fallacy. Words describe in such fashion - to many they are just words yet to other they have meaning - like reading between the lines and finding comfort in the words before you. 

Comforting words are great - more than great. Hearing them is like a hot cup of tea on a winters morning - would not you agree? 

Rainbows & Butterflies

"Its not always rainbows and butterflies"
Favourite quote - yes
the truth also.

To My Girl Megan

Dearest Megan,

                      Firstly, thank-you for being you.  You are an amazing person who makes me smile so much by just being there. You make me laugh when you say funny things like “it is a conspiracy – we must be vigilant”. One of the many Meggie quotes in which will stay implanted within my mind for a very very very long time.

         I'm going to miss having you around, but do us proud and get your diploma baby! And then you can cook us all cakes for our birthdays ;) Don’t you dare begin to forget about us – follow your dreams, yes, make new friends, definitely but still keep in touch.

         I have so many amazing memories with you but the best one has got to be your face last night (Friday the 27^th May 2011) when you walked into Pizza Hut and saw us all sat there – I can’t believe that you had no idea! I know I had a superb night – as did the others. So I sincerely hope that you did too – but to be honest your face showed it all!

         So, thank-you for the memories, the laughs, the jokes, the times you gave me your shoulder to cry on, the hugs, the “it will get better’s” and for just being you!

         Have a great time at college, keep in touch – and well here is to the future! And promJ

         All my love, forever and always,

         Sophie xxx

Tomorrow

Tomorrow, seems like the day I have waited for since January the 1st 1997 - when I start in reception class.
The last day of full time school - actually its quite scary and hugely sad. Some people who we have grown up with - we may never see again - and others we will continue to see each and every day.

What have we learnt - more than we first at thought. Not only have we learnt the academic syllabuses for the many lessons in which we have studied but we have learnt social skills, life skills as well as a handful of other things along the way.

The truth is - it has been an absolute blast - and even though I can not even begin to remember every single day I can definitely remember the most significant days in which have made me, me and who I am today. I've made mistakes - but from those mistakes I have learnt many things and tried, maybe sometimes unsuccessfully, to make myself a better person.

I have made some amazing friends through out the years - some I have kept others I have lost - But the memories will never be lost!!

Heres to sixth form I guess :)

In Life

In life I have many ambitions, many rules in which I live by, and many things in which I must achieve to feel content and happy with myself and my life.
The main rule in which I live by is to support my friends when they are sad, and make them happy again.
To know that they are unhappy makes me sad to think that - to make sure they are okay reassures me.
Everyone is always telling me off saying I take to much on my shoulders but that's not true - I know they will come out the other side and with that take their problems with them.
Everyone has problems, each persons being unique to them - something in which no-one else knows about them. Only them - no best friends interfering, no worried parents nagging, no teachers telling you to tell your parents. Just yourself, and sometimes the realisation that no one else knows is such a great feeling - a secret kept only to yourself - and other times it a worrying and scary thought.

My friends are my world, and without them well I would be in such a sorry state of affairs, they know that.
They make me laugh so much - at the silliest of things and giggle at the most inappropriate moments.

We have 2 days left at school, and I'm not going to lie im actually really scared about sixth form as well as hugely excited, but saddened by the fact that not all of our group will be coming on with us.  So I know it wont be goodbye because we are too good a friend to just walk away without a second glance - but not having them there every day to smile and wave and scream the silliest thing like "its a conspiracy - we must be vigilant" it just wont be the same knowing that she is 40 miles down the road meeting new friends :(

To this blog, in which I poor my every thought, every feeling and every emotion into, I thank because it gives me such a positive feeling once I have finished.

There are four people on this planet, three of them do not know this blog exists and therefore shall never be able to read how grateful I am to them - but one day I will force them into reading it. Just for laughs, or kicks. But the fourth - I know she reads this, and I know she is probably reading this right now.

She is more like me that I think she realises - sometimes the thing she says remind me of myself, she makes me laugh, she gives me warm hugs and love, and blows me kisses and lets me be her doggy when we walk home and no matter how pissed off she is with me she never lets it show.
She loves me - but I love her more. I could keep writing and writing and writing about this girl who well I will tell you is one of my best est friends ever and I hope one day she will be my bridesmaid if i get married - and have children Aunty Em - it sounds great. And i hope even more that in years to come we can be ladies that lunch and go to posh places and have lunch and just live happily ever after like a fairy tale.

These people in which I openly speak about are amazing - and they should never, ever, ever forget it!

Worried About A Friend

7 years ago, my friend who I have known for a very very long time - was very poorly at the time we were only small and then I didnt realise how poorly this person was.
Now, at the gruelling age of 16 I am very much aware of how serious the matter was. Today some of the same things have happened - and im very worried about him
So currently I'm praying for a friend <3

TWLOHA

http://www.twloha.com/

And if there is one charity/organisation I would personally support it would be

ToWriteLoveOnHerArm 


To write love on her arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire, and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.


I think that this organisation is truly amazing and inspirational. They should be commended for what they do. 

Today

"Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday" 
Not going to lie, today has been a nasty day - so im going to shower it away down the drain and make it all good again.

Playing On My Mind

Recently you have been playing on my mind, and I don't know why - some unknown reason posted into the depths of my brain.
Sometimes I wonder what you looked like, talked like, sounded like, did you look like any one famous. Yes I have seen photos but photos are never quite the same - I never look like me in pictures.
In my head you are this amazing person, who stood tall and fought for what they believed in. Never let anyone upset your family and stuck by them.
I keep imagining things in my head - things you would have said, things you would have done. Slightly biased maybe but its just what mum says her view of you is truly amazing.
She told me that if you were still here then you would sort it all out and make it all better - she didn't know how - but you would still make it better.
I wish I had met you, it will be 34 years in October since the day.
You have 5 beautiful grand children - and another on the way. And 5 even sweeter great grandchildren - you would have been a superb Grampy - I just know it.
You'd be so proud of your Luke - I know I am. And my mum she's just got a new job - im proud of her too!
Since last week-end I know Dot will be looking after you - where-ever you may be. I hope she cooks you dinner. I don't like the thought of you going hungry.
Watch over mum and Katie when I cant and my girls in Essex - I miss them so much...
Rest In Peace Grandad - I love you, even though I never met you.

And as I sit here...

As I sit here, listening to the sweetest of songs and watching the world go by I wonder what the next week will entail. Our last week of school, when I say our, I mean my friends and I - all together once more. Some are moving on some are staying but we know its not going to ever be the same again.
I know its going to go so quick and I'm actually terrified of what the future holds, as everyone - a thousand and one questions running through my mind - too quickly for me to answer them, write them down or even remember them. They keep coming these endless questions - so many questions to ask people, some that won't have answers at the moment and some that never will.
I find with these blogs that many of them become negative and depressing, but in some ways I think thats good because it gets out all this bad feeling inside of people - better than the alternatives.

-A Girl Called Emily-

Emily Louise, 
The only person, I swear, who actually reads my blog. 
Sometimes you remind me of myself, with the way you laugh and joke about everything. I love you such a huge amount, and I love your hugs because they make me better.

I love the way you smile even when you're not okay. And the way you look in my eyes and ask if I really am okay! The way you know when something isn't right. Your motherly instincts. Your caring attitude towards anyone.

The times we've laughed together, the times I cried on your shoulder. The times when we smiled and waved, the times you were my doggy, the times we sung our hearts out at various parties and the times we couldn't stop laughing.

The times we've bitched, moaned, winged and wined about everything and anything. Time that I cant remember but are vaguely familiar within my mind.

And I don't think I say it enough, but you are an amazing person, an amazing friend and I love you lots - Never ever forget me - because I wont forget you.
Thankyou, for your support and everything <3

One Week...

One week left of full time education - rather scary actually not going to lie.
I feel like the last 5 years have gone so fast and to remember it I have a collection of friends, a handful of qualifications and the many other delights school comes with.
Year 7 :
Although I said the last five years have flown past, year 7 does seem such a long time. A small child in a big big big place. I remember being so lost in English - it seemed such a huge place, now it is just normal.
I look at the year 7's today and think how different we, as a year group, were. The way they talk to older students and teachers. We wouldn't have dreamt it, but in small ways they are a tiny bit cute...
Year 8:
Was a funny year, lots of good memories, lots of bad ones too - but we can past over that bit.
Year 9:
Still a good year, I thought year 9 was a stressful year with teachers pushing and pulling you in all sorts of direction to take their subjects at GCSE, when I look back - well , how wrong was I! but it was still a good year, full of some amazing times, and amazing people. However, those people have seperated and departed, but I will never ever forget the amazing times we've had!
Year 10:
Man this year was absolutely amazing. Such a good year - not too much stress but enough to keep our socks up and our self in order. Friendship was the most amazing realisation, and the river boat cruise where new friendships were formed and they are friendships which survive to this day and I know will blossom and be friends forever, because they are true friends.
Year 11:
Still a good year - more stress - but still a good year. New friends, new chances, new opportunities, new people and new idols. That is all I have to say about school really - its been a blast and I can not wait for sixth form, I think its going to be soo much fun :)

What To Write...?

I always, at first, struggle to think of something to write. It always seems, that no matter what I write, when, how, who about, what about, it seems silly not quite right. But to me its write - this is my diary and you guys get to read it all and have a jolly good giggle about it.
I always try to write happy and positive things but sometimes my fingers just slip off the keys, they have a mind of their own and they know what they want to write!
This is me, and that's all I can be - nothing more, nothing less.
What I write usually involves me partially or fully - Love me, Hate me - your choice :)

Difficult Times, Difficult Needs, Difficult Measures

Difficult Times:

Trying to change someone is never easy - especially when its yourself...
Recently I've become someone whom I do not like very much and it has taken me until now to realise this.

Its scary when you do not know who you have become and when your friends dont recognise you for who you used to be. 

Difficult Needs:

Friends need you more than ever within this age group and time. I know that I need my friends and without them I would be a huge blubbering mess, they light my pathways and make me smile. I try to do the same - but once again of recent I failed my job as a friend too - and if any of you guys are actually even reading this then I'm sorry! 

Difficult Measures:

Every situation has measures to take to improve it, or fix it, sometimes they are easy - sometimes they are difficult. These three steps occur everyday with the majority of people in the world. 

-Friends-

This last school year - I've really learnt who my true friends are, and those who will continue to be my friends for the many years to follow.
This year has not been the easiest - especially for us - what with exam stress and sixth form applications and general bitchyness - but at the end of a stressful day there is always a friend there to make it all better -
No matter what the situation they can make me smile again.
This is my own little way of saying thank you to them - because without them I probably wouldnt be sat here right now writing away on this little blog -
You guys know who you are and those of you who know the story are blooming amazing and should be proud -

However in learning who my real friends are this year - I also feel like I have lost/ discovered that people aren't who I originally thought they were.

Support is what matters within friendships - I offer support to everyone and receive it in return
To my girlies - you are wonderful and I cannot wait for sixth form, thankyou for the laughs, the jokes, the smiles, the hugs, the It will be okay's, the support, your words but most of all for being so amazing, unique and caring.
To my guys, you guys are brilliant and you never ever ever fail to make me laugh -

So enough of this sickly sweet stuff - but to my friends - I raise my glass to you!

Can You See The Baby ?? 

Just Another Day

Just Another Day - But it wasn't
Today I've learned some hard lessons about myself, other people and life in general.
The most important thing which has crossed my mind today is the fact that I have some amazing friends - not all of them are aware of how much I adore them and I'm not about to start openly naming them but they are the best friends any one could have -
Everyone is stressed at the moment, teachers, students and parents - everywhere I turn there is another beady eye watching me and the next person. But exam stress is not an excuse - somewhere out there, closer than you realise is someone who needs you, needs your help and support - I myself ignored this - and now I'm hugely ashamed - I will never make up for this mistake but I can learn from it and today I've realised im not the only one struggling to sleep, not eating properly so from today on I ditch the selfish its all about me act and actually put myself out for others!!

"To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world"

"To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world" 
This is one of my all time favourite quotes. Simple words yet these words could make someone reconsider how they feel and how other people feel about them.
I have many friends who suffer from a lack of confidence - and I think within life confidence is important. If people are aware that you have little confidence then they are likely to take advantage of the fact.