Pulling the wool over your eyes hurt more than I can admit. I felt so guilty, the worst person in the world. For the first time I think I can truly say that I was out for my own benefit here. All you ever did was care for me and love me, yet I threw it in your face. All of your faces. And when I write this I have three people in mind. Three people who are so similar in so many ways. Three people whom I cherish and love in different individual ways.
All I ever wanted was for you to be proud, see me smile and think I was okay. And you did, you really did but what you didn't know what I was hiding a whole other world from you. A different place where I lived, black and white, no colour exists. Writing this, not as letter, but not as a poem. Just something that flows, smoothly and softly with the cute piano tune playing in the background.
Im sorry that it had to be this way. My unseen hurt portrayed in your eyes, the unseen hurt shown in my lies. You said you knew when I lied, clearly you didn't, a sick, but small sense of joy hits me when I realise that I had you all fooled, had a fantastic mask on, painted a fantastic brave face on.
Maybe I shouldn't taken drama, you all joke. Maybe I shouldn't have been such a jerk. At the moment I feel no emotion, just empty and hurt. More empty than anything. Like its all just a dream because this isnt me. People dont need to see me like this, know that im feeling this.
On wards and upwards, from now on, I promise you I will try so hard, to be okay, and to keep it contained.
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