How Long....
How long will it take for someone to notice? How long is it going to take until someone asks? How long will it be before someone realises? Its just a question with an answer, that is inevitable, yet unknown.
The prospect slight scares me, throughout it all ive learnt is that history repeats itself just with different people different people but with the same strings attached, the same emotions involved, and the same hurt circling around.
And as im sat here alone in a room full of people, a room full of laughter and speech. It reminds me so much of the first few dreaded weeks of year seven. Sat alone eating lunch on a bench, in this massive strange place was never fun and even though im not sat on a bench, im sat on a stool, in a large kitchen area, I realised it was a lonely world
I dont have one best friend, i did but recently its changed. I have lots of different friends all with different qualities, abilities and things about them that I adore. Im lucky to be surrounded by such amazing people.
I find myself in previous post always talking about making it better - does it ever get better? or does it simply just die down, hide under the surface and occasionally rear its ugly head. Did I ever get better? Or did I just pretend to be okay, ignore it for a while. I dont think I will ever know the actual answer.
Im petrified about the future, the unknown hurt of my earlier cries, and my silent screams for help landing on ears that cant hear them, eyes that cant see them, but to people who care to much.
Im afraid of hurting you, letting you down and disappointing you. I watched it before, in your eyes, I saw the hurt and the pain, and now its the same.
Heres to future, which holds so much - but we just dont know what.
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